One Step At A Time

"One step at a time there's no need to rush 
It's like learning to fly or falling in love 
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen  
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time"

They refer to the baby born after a loss as a "rainbow baby." The beautiful thing that happens after a storm. I chased after my rainbow for a long time...or at least I consider it a long time...

We lost Alexandra on April 29th, 2010. Born "sleeping" due to a cord accident, our lives took the most drastic turn. Alexandra is our amazing little angel, an amazing gift taken far too soon. Her loss took away all of my strength and left me broken and hollow. But as I grieved and learned to bring my little girl's memory into my life in a happy way, she gave me a new strength, the kind that you can only get from surviving something tragic.

It wasn't really enough though, I felt like something was missing. I had my beautiful son, fiance, and dog. I actively support my local pregnancy and infant loss support program. We fund raise. I had a job that I enjoyed, and I should have been happy, but something was missing. I needed my rainbow.

It's not that we hadn't tried. We had. The Christmas after we lost Alexandra we decided to try again. I even got pregnant, but that pregnancy ended in another loss...that loss of baby, the loss of my fallopian tube, the loss of another dream. Once we were given the go ahead, we kept trying, but month after month I was disappointed.  I finally gave up. I was all done trying, it was too hard and too painful.

And that's when it happened...I was pregnant. And I was thrust onto a new path, with only hope to hold onto.

This is my rainbow story, for whatever it's worth, to whomever it may help.