For as long as I can remember, I have had a serious interest in everything paranormal. I love the things that we can't prove but still huge amounts of people experience them everyday. I love the idea that our loved ones can come back for a visit. That belief alone held me together on a lot of dark days after we lost Alexandra. I saw her in everything, I felt that she was near me, comforting me. My son would even comment that his sister was with him. It made me feel a little bit better, thinking that she could be there, that she could know how much I missed her what we were doing to remember her. I still believe that she's with me, watching over, and I work hard to make her proud of her mama. I imagine she's somewhere with all the other children that were taken too soon, pointing at me, "That's my mommy" with a big huge smile. I hope that I'm right.
My need to know that Alexandra was close caused me to do a lot of things. I researched what different religions believed happened when you die, I attempted to contact different psychics, I read everything I could read about death, dying, and where we go. One of my favorite websites is a local paranormal research teams site. I visit it fairly regularly, I even participate on their forum. That is where I met a wonderful woman named Jane. She identified herself as a psychic, but most of our conversations weren't about anything to do with her gift. In April 2011, as we were busy planning a fundraiser to celebrate Alexandra's birthday, Jane commented that she would be at the Mind, Soul, and Spirit Expo in my city, inviting everyone to come and visit her. I took her up on it, I wanted to go and hoped that I could get a reading from someone. I hoped that, for once, someone could tell me that my daughter was safe, happy, and with me.
I sat down with Jane that day and opened myself up for whatever would come. Jane did talk to me about my daughter, she did tell me a lot of stuff that I needed to hear, but it didn't bring me the closure about Alexandra that I thought it would. I needed to find that within myself...but I wouldn't learn that for some time.
Jane did tell me something that really stuck with me, something that floated around the back of my mind until that warm day when we saw 2 lines on that pregnancy test and then it was shoved to the front. She told me that I would have another living child. I asked, of course, but her answer was odd, she said that I would have another living child, but not until my son was 7. Dayne (my son), was 5 at the time. I wondered how I could wait that long.
From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, until the day I delivered my living baby, I remembered her words...another LIVING child, when my son was 7...he turned 7 when I was pregnant. It brought me many moments of comfort throughout my pregnancy...another living child...so much of what Jane told me was true, this could be true too...right?
My need to know that Alexandra was close caused me to do a lot of things. I researched what different religions believed happened when you die, I attempted to contact different psychics, I read everything I could read about death, dying, and where we go. One of my favorite websites is a local paranormal research teams site. I visit it fairly regularly, I even participate on their forum. That is where I met a wonderful woman named Jane. She identified herself as a psychic, but most of our conversations weren't about anything to do with her gift. In April 2011, as we were busy planning a fundraiser to celebrate Alexandra's birthday, Jane commented that she would be at the Mind, Soul, and Spirit Expo in my city, inviting everyone to come and visit her. I took her up on it, I wanted to go and hoped that I could get a reading from someone. I hoped that, for once, someone could tell me that my daughter was safe, happy, and with me.
I sat down with Jane that day and opened myself up for whatever would come. Jane did talk to me about my daughter, she did tell me a lot of stuff that I needed to hear, but it didn't bring me the closure about Alexandra that I thought it would. I needed to find that within myself...but I wouldn't learn that for some time.
Jane did tell me something that really stuck with me, something that floated around the back of my mind until that warm day when we saw 2 lines on that pregnancy test and then it was shoved to the front. She told me that I would have another living child. I asked, of course, but her answer was odd, she said that I would have another living child, but not until my son was 7. Dayne (my son), was 5 at the time. I wondered how I could wait that long.
From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, until the day I delivered my living baby, I remembered her words...another LIVING child, when my son was 7...he turned 7 when I was pregnant. It brought me many moments of comfort throughout my pregnancy...another living child...so much of what Jane told me was true, this could be true too...right?
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